the post where i just say it. out loud.

Photobucketphoto credit here

 

i’m a wannabe writer.

 

i let Flannery O’ Connor short stories wash over me, attention wrapt to audiobook while i scrub dishes in the sink.

 

i keep C.S. Lewis on the bedside table, in the very same place (and for much the same purpose, figuratively speaking) that i kept Tums throughout both of my pregnancies.

 

i watch PBS documentaries on Mark Twain and Maya Angelou with a wistful sigh, the way most women watch those Top Model shows.

 

i spend my days writing, even when i’m not.  such that  i’m that mom you raise your eyebrows about, the one singing off-key rhyming ridiculousness to the toddler who isn’t exactly thrilled with the produce section.

 

and  i’m that lady you have to honk at at the traffic light, because while you think i am only staring off into space, i am actually coming up with a poem that will save me the twenty bucks that i’d spend on a Father’s Day gift.

 

and i’m that girl staring at you in the airport, and i’m staring at you because i’ve just made you a character in the novel i’m writing inside my head.   yes, you.

 

not normal. i know.

 

it’s just that life comes at me in words – always has.   hanging words on something, for me, helps me attach that something to reality, helps me  make it really real.

 

and so it’s not without irony that i announce, some 200 words into this post, that, even as a wannabe writer, even as the person who is supposed to be able to pen words about the beauty of all things Banebow,  i don’t really know how to say what i’m about to say.

 

i sort of said it  in this post, when my soul-friend first whispered it to me, disbelief causing the words to clang like cymbals in my mind … but everything that i’ve tried to write about it since seems trite and cliche and totally unworthy of the mystery and miracle of what is happening, even now, as i type.

 

some stories seem so big – so  beyond our imagining big – that words fall short and jaws drop wide and God reveals himself to be the real Writer of stories – the very Author of creation – who turns a page and types a plot twist you aren’t quite prepared for.

 

and there are no words.

ultrasound

baby Beasley -- coming in June ...

 

 

and so i leave you with a picture  worth more than a thousand words and a plea for your prayers, as Sonya and Drason walk faithfully into a whole new chapter of this story.

  1. ashley

    praying…as I have been since the moment I heard the wonderful news…anxiously awaiting sweet baby beasley’s arrival!!…. love you all so… xoxo, ashee

    • keLi

      i’ve got a road trip east-bound planned for that day … love to you, friend!

  2. Ellen @ Black and White and Loved All Over

    Hallelujah! This is great news. Thank you for sharing it.

    And also you are a beautiful, beautiful writer. Love that line comparing C.S. Lewis to Tums. 🙂

    • keLi

      ellen! your words are so kind — and that tess? she is a gem. wow.

      oh, the Lewis and the Tums — both have calmed the demons within more times than i can count. 😉

  3. andrea

    I don’t know Sonya or Drason, but their story has so touched my soul. I pray for their peace often and am thrilled to tears to know they will get to love another beautiful gift from God. And I love love love your writing and wholeheartedly wish more people were your brand of “normal”…the world would be a better place 🙂

    • keLi

      hi andrea,

      you, who don’t know them? you are a gift. your prayers mean so much to them, and to me. thanks for your encouragement, friend.

  4. sandra park

    keLi: Thank you for sharing EVERYTHING. I and a friend to little Bane’s Aunt Julia and I, too, have a different time getting through days because I’m writing a poem while someone is asking me a question and I’m adding a character and seeing a title to my stories while in traffic. This post is stunning. You have left me absorbing it all between breaths. I’m praying for Sonya and Drason. Bless you, Sandra

    • keLi

      glad to have kindred spirits who read here, sandra. thank you for your prayers.

  5. Amanda Graham Pyle

    I have prayed so many times for them these last months and will continue praying for them. What wonderful news this is!!

    • keLi

      thanks, Amanda! 🙂

  6. Alyssa

    Wow…..what amazing news! To hear of this new gift from God truely warms my heart. I pray for Banebow,Sonya,Drason and big sister Livi often and will start adding the newest member to my prayers. Keli thanks for always bringing each installment on Banebow.org to life. I can almost hear your heart beating as I read them. What great work you all are doing!! Love & Prayers

    • keLi

      i think my heart may have actually stopped when she first said it out loud to me, Alyssa. but this child is a gift, no question. he/she has such a powerful life-story in progress, even from the womb. our God — he is good.

  7. Jenny

    joy!

    • keLi

      yes! thank you for sharing in the joy with us, Jenny!

  8. Susan (FrugaLouis)

    Yay! I hadn’t known the news was still under wraps, but glad to know now it’s out in the open! Congrats to the Beasleys!

    And hello to you, Keli! Oh, my goodness…where on earth has the time flown?!?

  9. Kelly

    You are no wannabe-you’re the real deal, sister.

    What an amazing picture above. I am praying…

  10. jeanamelee

    i knew it was coming when i started reading somehow.
    it is the most awesome picture i have seen in awhile.
    God’s handy work…
    we love you Lord!
    jeana jackson

  11. Christy

    Tears of joy just filled my eyes! God is GREAT all the time. Your writing is amazing and so captivating. Keep it up. My prayers continue to be with them daily!!

  12. Evee Adkins

    Am I reading this right? Sonya and Drason are expecting? Congratulations! I’m so happy for them!

  13. Tracy Lucas

    Congratulations! I’ve been following this blog here and there since interviewing you for The Ledger article last fall. Seeing the news brings so many emotions… what an amazing adventure to look forward to!

  14. Shelley

    I love this sweet one so much already!!