|soul-friend petites sharing a giggle|
[if you’re just joining this series, be sure to check out the first two parts here and here]
i thought i had told the whole story.
i wrote and i wrote, trying to connect the dots and say it clear: why i come here to this space, why i spill words of friend-awe, of God-love, of legacy being built … but the lump that is still caught in my throat says i haven’t said all. not yet.
it’s true that i write here because Sonya is my “Ya-Ya” sister, a friend whose thoughts i can read, whose pain i often feel — pangs of empathy-drenched grief that wake me in the morning, so fresh and so real …
and it’s also true that i write here because Drason is my partner-in-crime, a man who laughs hard and loves well — the leader of an organization that i wholeheartedly believe that God is using to do wondrous things …
but there’s another reason … one that i keep so close to my heart that i haven’t even shared it with Sonya or Drae. about a promise i once made.
parents who read here know it well: there is nothing quite like the love that you feel for your children. child-love is a lighthouse in those early months when sleep is short and crying is long;
it is a buoy to cling to when the rest of the world goes crazy. one lisped, sweet word from my little boy is stronger than Prozac at changing my foul moods. it’s a God-gift.
|clowning around, the day the famous photo from this post was taken|
when my besties, those girls you now know as J.A.C.K.A.S.S, started having babies, i learned that soul-friend-love passes through amniotic fluid — for i loved their children like i love my own.
and therein lies the problem: i loved their children like i love my own, which means that, too often, looking back, i took them for granted. assumed their toothy grins and drooly chins would always greet me at a playdate — felt sure that i was safe in not spending time just staring intently at their changing faces, for time seemed to stretch on endless before me.
|Just an ordinary day … feeling the kick of that sweet boy from within|
oh, how this fills me with regret.
it’s true: soul-friends beget soul-friend petites … and a new generation of love goes forth.
i’ll say it here — officially calling “dibs” on the world wide web — that Livi is my Beckham’s girlfriend. future wife, if arranged marriages make a comeback.
|Livi and Bex: Summer Lovin’ 2008|
those two have been sweet on each other since early on — way back before Beckham insisted on constantly smooching her and Livi enjoyed bossing him around (sounds just like a real marriage, no?).
i love to watch them love each other.
and so on October 28th of last year, when I showed up on Sonya’s front doorstep, I was giddy with excitement for two reasons. The first was that I got to see this face:
and to kiss his tiny nose and breathe in the scent on the back of his neck … and he was exactly as a baby should be, all needy and honest in his cries, heart wide open and pure. His tiny fingers curled around one of mine — he clung to me the way we’re called, faith like a child, to cling to the Word … the way his mama and daddy cling to Jesus now.
and there’s a snapshot that haunts me … for it reminds me of that promise made:
i, too, will forever love sweet baney…and i love each petite of my soul friends…so much…
i am blessed to be able to love so many sweet 'babies' as my own…
i love you all so…ashee
Beautiful and sweet remembrances. In prayer for you..
Love is a powerful gift and treasure…it is everlasting!
This is such beautiful writing! Thank you for sharing such love and honesty. Happy Birthday Bane. I continue to pray for Peace Love and Light for Bane and for his family and for all who love them dearly.