what money is for …


some diamonds are rare, and you pay a pretty penny for them.

some diseases are rare, and they change your whole life.

so far, the pain of losing Bane has been worsened by the fact that there are no clear answers as to what caused him to get sick.

imagine your pediatrician saying the words to you: “in thirty years, i have never seen anything like this.”

some people would get real bitter real quick — at winning the tragedy lottery  in this way.

but not my friends.

if you’re visiting here from a link of a link of a link, you might not have any clue who Sonya and Drason are.

you might not have known Sonya in fifth grade, when she had that unfortunate haircut and the same sassy attitude.

you might not have remembered them from seventh grade, when they first became best friends.

you might not have known Drason in twelfth grade, when he won so many senior class superlatives that they had to start giving them to the second place finishers.  most dependable.  friendliest.   
best all-around.

you probably weren’t there just after college, when they stood on a hill in the small town they grew up in and promised to give their whole lives to each other, come what may.

but you’re here today — when “come what may” has come upon them in a hard, hard way.

has come upon them in the form of a problem the doctors couldn’t fix, a rare disease that their sweet babe didn’t survive.

i’m writing this today because i was there.  my fifth grade haircut was just as bad.  i passed a note from one to the other in seventh grade lunch.  i voted for Drason — in all categories.   i was the one in the blue dress, standing up front on the bride’s side.  and i hit my knees, there in that hospital, when the pain of loss seemed insurmountable.

so when my friend, less than a day after this loss, looked at me and said:

“i don’t want his life to have been about sadness.  i want to do something that will  make his life bring good to people, because i know that he would have brought good to people, just like his dad.”

well, you don’t recover from hearing that.  and if you’ve got any goodness in you at all, you do your darndest to make it happen.

this site is the attempt of myself — and a close circle of friends — to make it happen.

just today, we loaded a button on the left column of this blog.  that button is linked directly to an account at a local bank.  that account is to serve as a  start-up fund for a charity  that Sonya wants to begin in Bane’s name.  from her years working as a social worker, and from Drae’s years working with troubled teenagers, they have both built  hearts that are driven toward helping others.

now they will use their hearts and their gifts to give back … to honor the gift they were given in spending nine months with a precious, precious boy.

i’m no television evangelist, so i won’t try to tug and pull your heart strings, but i will say this:

there are times in life when we learn  what money is for.

and though it often has to be used for the mundane: the groceries, the gas, the diapers, the doctor bills that pile up — occasionally it also gets to be used for something amazing.

something life-changing.

and though my dear friends are so wracked with grief right now that they haven’t written a mission statement for this charity, though we don’t have shnazzy t-shirts or celebrity endorsements, we do have the memory of this face:

and the commitment that the light in those eyes will  touch others for good

so for all of you who respected our request not to send flowers, to all of you who have emailed and called asking “what can i do?”

this is it.   

this is what money can do,if we let it.

give five dollars instead of having a morning latte.  give ten dollars instead of going through the drive-thru line.  give what you can give — and watch how that money turns blessings tenfold.

because disease is real, and grief is real.  yet, people with strong faith and hearts bent toward giving back — people like Sonya and Drason —

are real, too.

and  rare.


  1. Anonymous

    I knew Sonya in the fifth grade. I knew them both in the seventh grade. I knew Drason in the twelfth grade, and like you I voted for him in each one of the senior class superlatives, b/c they all fit him. I was there on the hill behind the church the day they promised to give their lives to each other. I have known Sonya and Drason pretty much all of my life. These are two of the nicest, most kind people I've ever known which is why when I heard the news Tuesday night of them loosing their baby boy my heart broke for them. I was not able to make it on Saturday, but I did come by on Friday to let them both know I was praying for them. I could not begin to imagine being in their shoes, but the strength that the two of them had was simply amazing, and you two are an inspiration to all of us.

    ~Tia Collier

  2. Cherrie

    I dont' know them at all except thru friends at Thompson Station. Their story moves me. Challenges me give money. This is what God gives us money for, to be stewards to His people. I'm heartbroken for their loss, and pray for the family. Thank you for being honest and reminding us that money is supposed to be used for such a time as this, something that will make an eternal difference.

  3. Anonymous

    All though I do not know this family personally, I find myself grieving for them as though I have known them my whole life. The loss of a child is a grief no parent wants to feel. A grief that will remain until this wonderfully remarkable family is reunited with that beautiful angel. I will continue to raise them up in prayer and pray that with each day, they are able to celebrate his life with fewer tears shed. May God continue to bless this family and their wonderful friends. M. C.

  4. Kylea

    Sonya, Drason, & Livi- I am praying for you. As a parent, I've held my children a little tighter. As a sister, I've called my siblings "just because". I marvel in your stregnth.
    What wonderful things you are going to be able to do in honor of your beautiful son. His legacy will forever remain.

  5. Love Being a Nonny

    We will all be better servant's for Christ because of Bane. I only know Sonya and Bane and Drason and Livi through a good friend, Robin Carter. But what I know of them makes me WANT to be a better person. Their precious baby boy has touched more lives than I have in all my years of being on this earth. My prayer is that they will find a peace and comfort that only God can give.

  6. Jennifer Stringer

    Sonya, Drason, and Livi; our hearts and prayers are with you. In the 3 short years (in high school) that I was able to get to know both of you, I found out that you both are strong-willed, loving, caring, and just wonderfull people. These characteristics in both of you are what will get you through. Bane will live in your hearts as well as many other hearts forever. He has the face of an angel. Again, our prayers and thoughts are with all of you.

    ** Jennifer, Nathan, & Bryson Stringer **

  7. Anonymous

    I have been praying for your family! How amazing to hear that you are using such tragedy for good. That is not the easy way out! It would be easier to become hard and bitter towards God and life, but you have chosen to let God shine through you and use you for kingdom impact! I pray for peace and comfort and wisdom for the days ahead.