The Bane Bane Game: Playing It Forward

“I want to go and talk with her.”

“You want to do what?”

“I want to talk to her.  She has lost a son, too.  Maybe there’s something I can do or say to help her.”

Her words stunned.  Stunned.  How could she, who had just felt death’s sting so fiercely, who had just sent swaddled babe into the arms of Jesus, have the strength to speak words, period?  Much less, to visit another mama, one she had never met, to offer words of comfort, words of hope.

They didn’t know each other, but  they knew the same pain.

One son had fallen in Afghanistan, a hero giving life for country.  The other, still too young to know war.  But these mothers, they knew what it meant to birth a son — to hold him close one day, to feel him gone the next.  

And they sat.  And the Spirit interceded.  And it was good.

This is the story of how Sonya chose to pay play it forward over the weekend … by having the courage to face funeral and death again so soon — this time to speak words of comfort to another woman, relative of a friend, who was grieving the loss of her son, Daniel, who died in combat.

We find comfort in knowing that neither death was permanent, that both boys sing with angels today.  And we’re thankful for a Spirit who charges us to do things that feel impossible, to face fear and fight back with kindness.

Want to play The Bane Bane Game?

Get instructions on how to play here — and jump on in. 

Did you find a small way to play it forward this past week?  If so, tell your story in the Comments section, or link to your blog post using the Linky tool below.   We can’t wait to read your stories.

Note to Bloggers:  Be sure to grab The Bane Bane Game button from the sidebar and add it to your post.  Also, please make sure that the link you enter is to the permalink for today’s post on your blog, not just your general blog address.  


  1. Love Being a Nonny

    I've told Bane's story…over and over again. I've told how though his life here on earth was short, he is being rocked in the arms of Jesus until those who love him join him. I've told how much we need a savior and how we will have the same eternal life as Bane if we choose HIM. Bane's life has a purpose. I cannot WAIT to see what all God will do to honor Bane Bane.

  2. Kimberly Steinmetz Unland

    I too, tell Bane's story. I tell it to other mothers so they will appreciate their children even more – especially in times when they may be annoyed by their own children. I think it is amazing that Bane's life is affecting so many people.

  3. Anonymous

    Bane's story has rolled off of my tongue every day. This one particular day was different. I was talking with a person who has basically been given a medical death sentence of approximately 6 months. This person is a father of two boys, he is and has been a minister since college, he is a little league coach, he is a "productive" citizen, and he is fighting brain cancer. The worst kind. A glioblastoma multiforme, stage IV. It doesn't get much worse. Our conversation starts off with him opening up about what the last few months of his life have been like. He had been in so much pain that he, couldn't go to work, couldn't be the husband his wife wanted in him, he couldn't be the little league coach, he couldn't chaperon field trips. All he could do was lie in bed and hurt. After multiple trips to a very credible hospital, he was given an anxiety diagnosis, put on meds, and sent home. His wife, reacted about like his doctors did. She was fed up and left with his boys. He came home one Saturday after work to an empty house. A few months later, divorced and without a job, like the doctors and his wife, his employer thought he was putting on a show. He was living in a motel when he couldn't take it anymore. He could barely hold up his own head. As before, he goes back to the same hospital. "Dr., I can't go on like this. I don't know what to do but I can't leave here." Uninsured, the same doctor that gave him anti-anxiety pills, ran more radiology tests. This time the words were bitter sweet, "I am sorry, but you have a brain tumor." The next eight days were a blur. After brain surgery, because he was uninsured, his options were limited. He couldn't go back to living in a motel. His out-of-state parents flew in and decided that it would be best for him to go to any nursing home that would accept him because of lack of insurance. As home health care was not an option because there was no home. It has been almost 18 months since he has spoken to his ex-wife and a few months without seeing his boys. So how do I minister to a minister? Easy. I told Bane's story. I told how heaven is getting bigger because six souls were saved at Bane's celebration and probably more had been unspoken. I told of the unshakable faith of my dear friends, how they glorified God in the midst of their tragic and sudden loss. In the end, my act of kindness was an offer to drive him through three counties to see his sons: to take them to dinner and let the three of them love on one another; to be a dad to his boys again because there is no law or order holding them apart. Fear is holding them apart. My prayer is that he will accept my offer. As I know Sonya and Drason would give anything to see their Bane Bane once more, this parent is terrified to see his. How can he fall in love all over again with his boys only to return back to the nursing home to count his breaths? We spoke about prayer and how Sonya herself said that it is only because of the swarms of prayers that she is able to receive God's peace allowing her to get from one moment to the next, to begin the mundane. At the end, he smiled, hugged me, and thanked me. Thank you, Bane Bane. xoxo

  4. Matt and Shelley Pevahouse

    Galations 6:2 "Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ."

  5. Anonymous

    I have told Bane's story to people at work, other friends who do not know the family, and even people I have met just in passing. Several of the people asked about how they could help and I gave them the web site/blog where they could contribute. I know that this family's story is one that will touch many lives.

    My continued prayers are with you all. And while Bane is no longer on this earth he is telling his story and making a difference with The Father!

    Tamyra Brown