7 Days of Heaven: Pregnant With Hope

there’s an ol’ saying — one that your Paw Paw might have said — that argues that

“you can’t be just a little bit pregnant.”

it’s a statement against being lackadaisical or lukewarm.
it’s a call to exercise conviction, and its metaphor applies to many, many areas of life: work responsibilities, family commitment, etc.

the idea behind it is one that you’ll never have to explain to a woman who has held a tiny white stick that trumpets two pink lines.
any mama knows  that a growing baby, even from poppyseed size,
is a momentous weight to carry.  to give womb space to growing child
is to experience more change than just a swelling of belly —
for pregnancy is  miracle wrapped in ordinary;
it is the spark of all creation  made flesh in human skin.

and yet.  before we go getting all romance-y … let’s say what is also true:  it is work.   

to carry child is to know burden: 
physical, emotional, raw and real.  
and labor?  let’s just say that the term is appropriately named.  
who but a mama could know: 

a searing pain that emanates from deep within,
a gutteral bodily groan that echoes from ancient times,
a taste of Eve’s curse,bitter on a dry tongue.

and yet.

we endure.

and why?

because the hope within us is greater than.

greater than.

and it sustains us, through the sickness that extends well past morning, through levels of tired we never knew we could sink to, through double-chin photos and skinny jeans sent to consignment, we are buoyed by the baby within.  we keep plodding one swollen ankle in front of the other, and we wait — because we hope.

since we’re on the topic of swollen ankles, this seems like a good place to segue into a journal entry that Sonya wrote.  because while she spent her Livi pregnancy pointing and laughing at me (photos do confirm that I was the size of a house — or at least a small trailer), she got her just desserts (no pun intended) while carrying Bane.  My girl was big.

but her love for Bane was big, too.  and she wrote:

“i was SO pregnant with bane … not just regular ol’ pregnant, but SO VERY pregnant.  by 9 weeks i was showing, so i had to start telling people at work because they were asking around.  by my sixth month, people were asking me daily if i was about to deliver.  

i just carried bane differently than livi.  he felt heavier, lower down, spread out, just an all over bigger child.  i felt him all over, too.  in my hips, my knees, my back, even in my lungs as it became hard for me to breathe. 
i am now so thankful for this.  i am so glad  that i didn’t get to  easily go about my days and forget  that my son was with me, cuddled there, inside me.  i was very aware of his presence, and i am so glad, as now those 9 months are the most precious i ever lived.”

how does she do it?   i often wonder.

how does she think back to those days, when she felt the kick of child
who would not be long for this world, when she housed him and nourished him with her own body, when she protected him by keeping him tucked inside?

how does she think back to those days, and wake up to these evil days we live in now and  not turn bitter?

and — in prayer — comes the answer:

because she is pregnant.

not with Bane — not anymore — but with something eternal, something that cannot be stolen by death or withered by time.

she is  pregnant with hope.

hope for Heaven, where she will see her sweet Bane, and — more than that — where she will experience her precious Savior.

and though the road is long (longer, even, than 9 months) and the labor is hard (harder, even, than giving birth), those who know that Heaven is home do not labor in vain.

we feel the kick of a Spirit within us  that tells us to endure.  to keep plodding our bruised hearts along and to wait — because we have hope.

we are called, you and I, to be pregnant with hope.

and to know that our hope is  greater than.

and though it won’t swell our bellies, it might just change our lives, this hope, if we let it …


As promised in Bane’s birthday post, we will be including a giveaway at the end of each post in our “7 Days of Heaven” series.  

Today’s gift?  A beautiful necklace, from the Vintage Pearl
the very same one  (only with your own 2 charms, of course)
that was gifted to Sonya, after Bane was born.
Win it for yourself or to use as a Christmas gift for someone who you love.

To enter today’s giveaway, you may do any (or all) of the things listed below.  Simply leave a comment letting us know that you have completed one (or more, if you so choose) of the options listed below.  For each option in the list below that you complete, you should leave a separate comment, which will allow you multiple chances to win  — up to seven entries total.  Contest closes Wednesday, December 8, 2010, at midnight, CST.  Winner will be selected randomly and announced on Thursday, December 9.

  1. 1. Leave a comment sharing with us:  what do you really HOPE for (beyond your Christmas wish for Santa)?  It might be something for yourself, for a loved one, for the world — we’d love to hear what’s in your heart.
  2. 2. Follow this blog by RSS feed, Google Friend Connect (in the left sidebar), or by email.
  3. 3. Grab our “Where is Bane?” button from the sidebar and post it to your blog or Facebook page.
  4. 4. “Like” Banebow on Facebook.
  5. 5. Follow keLi  on Twitter.
  6. 6. Tweet about this giveaway.
  7. 7. Mention this contest and link back to this site in a blog post.


  1. Anonymous

    What do I really H O P E for?
    I H O P E that the life I live daily will be the testimony of my Lord and Savior – Jesus Christ. I hope that those how meet me will want HIM in their lives too. This is what I HOPE for.

  2. Anonymous

    What do I really HOPE for?
    I HOPE it won't be long before our Savior comes and we see HIM face to face. That means I will see my Baney again!!!


  3. Anonymous

    What do i REALLY hope for? Well, you see, i have a very dear friend who has 2 of the sweetest little boys with the biggest blue eyes and smiles…only their smiles are slowly being taken away by the pain and burden of taking even a step..they were both diagnosed with Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy for which there is no cure. This disease is cruel and if no cure is found, well, this mama will watch it take her dreams and her boys by the age of 18 or so. So, with that, my hope, all the way from my soul, is for a cure for DMD, so my sweet friend will not have to know the heartache that some of us share after losing our sweet babies!

  4. Rachel

    Keli – I think this is my favorite post yet. Thank you for your God given words! I don't have to be entered into the contest because I already have a necklace like that, but I just wanted to thank you! I am also so thankful for HOPE. So thankful we have that gift from our Father to help us get through this earthly life that is sometimes so full of pain we don't know how to go on. My greatest HOPE is for heaven. I long for that day!

  5. Lindsay

    I hope to be the best mama I can be to my 2 sons and to our daughter waiting in China…I hope that I can listen patiently to God's direction and give her the comfort and security she needs when we bring her home.

  6. Lindsay

    Another beautiful post, by the way. (And I like Banebow on FB).

  7. Craig and Bethany

    I hope for joy that endures all things.

  8. slb3334

    That everyone in my family is well this next year.


  9. Alex's World


  10. Nancy

    Pregnant with hope. Oh, those words gave me chills. I've never actually experienced pregnancy–infertility is just another taste of Eve's curse, no? Even so, I'm feeling your beautiful, haunting words in body and soul. I like you on Facebook (cause there isn't a love button), and I've got the Bane Bane game button on my site but not the Banebow one. Don't talk to me about Twitter though–that technology is way too far above my pay grade. Love what you're doing her, love the way you are loving your friends with your words.

  11. Nancy

    Oh, and I follow this blog!

  12. ~ Cee ~

    There are so many things I hope for – a better house, a better job, and, most of all, a second child. I really want another child, but we first must sell our house, and also I must get settled in a new job. Thank you for this giveaway.
    ceevegnashville [at] gmail [dot] com

  13. Matt and Shelley

    My hope is that our lives will be lived with purpose for our Savior, that my children will join the army of Christ, and to never stop longing for our real home.

  14. Alex's World


  15. amandatdodson

    Wow, so beautifully written. I hope for … hmmm, I hope to be an intentional mother this Christmas season. And with my family celebrate the truth of Christ's bith and life and my ongoing relationship with Him.

  16. Lori

    Wow…this post is so awesome! My hope is that I will be the best mama possible to my sweet baby girl. She is now about the same age as Bane was went he went home, so this post hits me hard.

  17. Lori

    I'm following with google

  18. Lori

    I like Banebow on FB

  19. Lori

    Following Keli on twitter

  20. Lori

    posted Where is Bane button on FB

  21. clc408

    I hope for good health and happiness for all that are dear to me.

  22. h. mcnaron

    I really hope for a career for me and my partner that is fulfilling and where we feel appreciated. Even if it means moving.

  23. h. mcnaron

    I follow the blog on gfc.

    h mcnaron

  24. momznite

    I'm wishing strength and peace for a bereaved friend and wellness for a tiny newborn of another friend.


  25. momznite

    New GFC follower
    Very touched by your site.

  26. Danielle

    Hoping that I can go deeper with my Lord this year. Hoping that my boy will love HIM with ALL of his heart…

  27. Alex's World

    Psalm 31:24 Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart, all ye that hope in the LORD.


  28. Danielle

    And like you on facebook!

  29. Danielle

    And I am following you in this journey, praying for this sweet family along the way…

  30. Danielle

    And I am linking this to my blog because it is too good not to share!!

  31. emily wierenga

    oh keLi, i hope… i hope for a heaven on earth. xo

  32. emily wierenga

    ps. i am following you on twitter, dear friend.

  33. Melissa@one thing

    Wow…Kelli I will follow anything you write. This is so beautiful.

  34. Bonnie aol

    i hope all my kids and grandkids have a happy and healthy life

  35. Chip

    I hope for my family to be together always and to know peace and security.

  36. Chip

    "Like" Banebow on Facebook – Jill L

  37. Chip

    Follow via GFC – Chip

  38. Amanda Pilkinton

    I love this post. I love the wording. I love the family. I love it all. I hope that I can hear my calling from the Lord. Each day that is my hope and prayer. I am friends on Facebook, got the button on my blog, and I love reading! Keep on writing!!!

  39. Valancia

    I Hope that my 2 dearest friends who don't have much will be Happy, and filled with Peace & Joy this Christmas!

  40. Valancia

    IFollow this blog by RSS feed

  41. Valancia

    I Like Banebow on Facebook.id valancia arrelya

  42. Anonymous

    My hope is to be a genuine SOUL-WINNER. To tell people of their need of our Lord and Saviour Jesus CHRIST. To be listened too and heard. To watch and see people surrender a life of sin and nothingness,and to become a free individual, FREE IN CHRIST, to "go and sin no more"!I want to see them find the happiness I found in November, 1965 when I bowed on my knees in my own home and invited Jesus to be My Lord and Saviour.I truly want to be a soul-winner, and to have a lot of crowns to lay at Jesus feet. Pray for me.

  43. Trisha D.

    i really hope my brother get get his life in order!

  44. Trisha D.

    i follow on gfc

  45. Trisha D.

    i follow on twitter @whitetrashtrish

  46. Trisha D.

    i like you on fb!

  47. christy

    I hope for warmth and comfort for all the homeless. I hope for joy and peace for all the hurt. I hope for God's saving grace for the lost. I also hope for Keli the wisdom and inspiration to keep her words pouring down.

  48. Cheyenne

    I HOPE to make a difference in this life I've been blessed with, to lead by God's example and to give love and hope to those who may not know love and hope in their own lives.

  49. Cheyenne

    I follow this blog!

  50. Cheyenne

    I like (LOVE) Banebow on Facebook

  51. christy

    I hope for warmth and comfort for the homeless. I hope for peace and joy for the hurting. I hope for God's saving grace for the lost. I hope for Keli's words to keep pouring out for this cause. I hope for God's love to pour down on all and all to feel his amazing love.

  52. JParker899

    I "like" Banebow on Facebook..

  53. JParker899

    I follow Keli on Twitter..

  54. JParker899

    I hope for peace…

  55. JParker899

    I follow this blog!! Love it!!

  56. Kate

    I hope for a successful clinical year next year!


  57. Candie L

    I want a car. Thank you


  58. FDP 4 Life

    i hope for my family home this Christmas
    susansmoaks at gmail dot com

  59. Diane52

    I hope for world peace. i also hope that my two sons find happiness in their lives.
    Diane Baum

  60. Pamela S

    I hope for better health. I have numerous chronic health issues that keep me from being able to do things with my kids and I often feel guilty they were unlucky in receiving a mom who isn't healthy. Thanks so much! pamelashockley(AT)aol(DOT)com

  61. Pamela S

    Follower on GFC.

    Thanks so much! pamelashockley(AT)aol(DOT)com

  62. Alison A / tripsma at gmail dot com

    That I can find a match for a third and final surrogacy journey next year. I want to be apart of a third miracle of helping a family have their long awaited child. 🙂

    THANK YOU. tripsma at gmail dot com

  63. Alison A / tripsma at gmail dot com

    Following via RSS

    THANK YOU. tripsma at gmail dot com

  64. Alison A / tripsma at gmail dot com

    Liked YOU on FB – Alison A

    THANK YOU. tripsma at gmail dot com

  65. Alison A / tripsma at gmail dot com

    Following keLi on Twitter – surromama2

    THANK YOU. tripsma at gmail dot com

  66. Auriette

    My husband has been really unhappy and frustrated lately with where we live and the state of everything around us. I wish he could find peace and that God would deliver him some happiness and hope.

  67. Atreau

    I really want a job where I'm valued, appreciated, and one that I believe in.

  68. gingerbuttrey75

    As some of the previous comments have alluded, you have a gift with words. I am always enthralled with your writing. However, even without the elegance of your words, the subject of your posts would touch my heart nonetheless. I have a 3 1/2 year old and a 22 month old daughter and I can't help but think of myself in Sonya's shoes whenever I visit this site. I praise and thank God for my beautiful girls often. I have always felt unworthy to have been so blessed and often worry that the "rug" will be yanked from beneath me at any moment. But Sonya's sharing of Bane and her family's tragedy gives me HOPE. I think many of us talk a big game about our faith and God's love and mercy; especially when we are encouraging others. In my heart I believe in his power, but I often wonder if I would have the fortitude to embrace Him and his blessings were I faced with a similar tragedy. Thank you Sonya and Drason for sharing Bane with us; thank you for giving me HOPE by being living examples of God and His word. I know that it doesn't make the pain any less, but know that Bane's short time on this earth was not in vain. You are leading people to and back to God and Christ. May God continue to bless and comfort your family.
    Ginger Buttrey